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try harder, b*tch

Sorry. But it’s one of those unforgivable sins where you say you’re sorry but you keep doing it again. Go on and hate me.

 

Reaching for—

the biscuit. Not lettuce?

WHAT A SIN WHY DO YOU GIVE IN TO TEMPTATION YOU COULD HAVE CHOSEN THE FRUIT OR VEGGIE, BUT YOU WERE GREEDY

It has already entered the mouth, down the oesophagus and down the stomach

where it will now decompose into adipose tissues and layer itself on the belly

and I will come to regret this day forever and ever

Later, vomit it out. Cut lunch by half.

 

incognito google searches be cluttered like

‘is this healthy’

‘nutritional content of that’

‘ideal amount of sugar per day’

 

solo grocery shopping be cluttered like

‘green light labels only’

‘which peanut butter has more fat content’

‘have i got my daily five servings of fruits and vegetables for the week’

 

then I suddenly find, that I am,

Taking the—

lift. Not stairs.

WHAT A SIN WHY DO YOU GIVE IN TO TEMPTATION YOU COULD HAVE CHOSEN TO BURN CALORIES BUT YOU WERE LAZY

I see the thick density of my curves growing, the size of my belly expanding. 

Later, twenty minutes of jogging. Forty minutes of high intensity workout.

 

When rice is toxic and 

starvation is basic

When oil is cancer and 

bland food is purer

When food is really death in making

yet people give it as a symbol of blessing

 

Because no one knows the torture in my mind 

 

Eat

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Laugh

 

Vomit

 

Repeat

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I hate and love myself each time I do it

So that the hate keeps piling on.

I’m sorry, my body, I am sorry. 

Give me another day; I’ll try a little harder?

No, I’m sorry; I meant, I’ll push myself more; this is still not my hardest.

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